Some days back I saw a post on a forum, with the title "are my breasts normal?" The woman also wanted to know if men wouldn't be turned off by them. I clicked on the image, and what did I see? A very normal, average pair of boobs -- medium size, bottom-heavy, a bit pendulous. Nothing that would make do a double-take. At that point I realised -- she has probably never seen any real (non-media) boobs apart from her own.
It turned out that the poster thought that the space between her breasts wasn't normal -- she thought that everybody's breasts were close enough for natural cleavage. (Interestingly, someone commented that they have a friend whose breasts are very close together and is very self-conscious about it because most people find them unusual!)
So, now a question to you: How many pairs of breasts have you seen that were attached to a real, live women (standing before you, not on a screen or a page)? If you are not part of a culture where female nudity is ok (nude saunas*, FKK, and all that), chances are that the answer is zero. And that you have been bombarded by the media who chooses to show only a vary narrow spectrum of breast shapes. Also, these images are sexualised, posed and photoshopped. Here the media has an even stronger influence than matters of body shape and age, because you can't reassure yourself with the fact that the women around you don't look like models either -- for all you know, most women might have breasts like in Playboy and you're the only one stuck with weird ones!
Compare this to a scenario where an alien manages to get hold of TV shows from the earth -- the alien would really think that most earthlings are 28-35 year old, tall, skinny, good-looking, with no body hair and always perfectly groomed.
* saunas in Germany, like in Finland, are strictly no-clothes areas -- wearing a swimsuit is considered unhygienic. However I realised that in the UK you are expected to wear a swimsuit.
If you can, try going to a nudist beach or a sauna or something similar (some have women-only nights) -- the experience can be very interesting. In the beginning it takes a bit of courage to get over your fears, but it can be really freeing to see humans in all shapes and sizes not caring about their jiggly bits and just enjoying the sensation of warmth and water on their skin.
And, if you haven't already, break out of the Bra Matrix. It's amazing how a different bra can change your relationship with your breasts. Another thing I highly recommend is reading body image blogs (Already Pretty is my favourite). They really helped me to be more accepting of my body and more aware of how I think and talk about it.
I'm thinking that cultures where women can be naked with other women, like Japan or Finland, probably has way less unrealistic expectation about the human body. So do countries where the the media isn't showing much skin. However girls growing up in places where (enhanced) nudity is ok on the screen but not in real life are screwed. Thought?
And I'd like to add: if you are insecure about your breasts and are expecting that your guy takes your insecurity away -- that's never going to work. Even if a guy complements your boobs ten times a day, it will not make a dent in your insecurity. (You'll know how true this is if you have ever had someone close you with a low self-esteem). Only you can work through your issues.
Now, over to you: how has nudity among women (or lack of it) in your culture as well as the media's portrayal of boobs influenced your idea of "normal breasts"? Also, what would you tell a friend with hangups about her boobs?
It turned out that the poster thought that the space between her breasts wasn't normal -- she thought that everybody's breasts were close enough for natural cleavage. (Interestingly, someone commented that they have a friend whose breasts are very close together and is very self-conscious about it because most people find them unusual!)
So, now a question to you: How many pairs of breasts have you seen that were attached to a real, live women (standing before you, not on a screen or a page)? If you are not part of a culture where female nudity is ok (nude saunas*, FKK, and all that), chances are that the answer is zero. And that you have been bombarded by the media who chooses to show only a vary narrow spectrum of breast shapes. Also, these images are sexualised, posed and photoshopped. Here the media has an even stronger influence than matters of body shape and age, because you can't reassure yourself with the fact that the women around you don't look like models either -- for all you know, most women might have breasts like in Playboy and you're the only one stuck with weird ones!
Compare this to a scenario where an alien manages to get hold of TV shows from the earth -- the alien would really think that most earthlings are 28-35 year old, tall, skinny, good-looking, with no body hair and always perfectly groomed.
* saunas in Germany, like in Finland, are strictly no-clothes areas -- wearing a swimsuit is considered unhygienic. However I realised that in the UK you are expected to wear a swimsuit.
How to check if your breasts are normal:
If you have ever wondered if your breasts are "normal", take a look at the Normal Breasts Gallery (obviously NSFW). Browsing through this site is going to really expand your idea of what "normal" breasts look like.If you can, try going to a nudist beach or a sauna or something similar (some have women-only nights) -- the experience can be very interesting. In the beginning it takes a bit of courage to get over your fears, but it can be really freeing to see humans in all shapes and sizes not caring about their jiggly bits and just enjoying the sensation of warmth and water on their skin.
And, if you haven't already, break out of the Bra Matrix. It's amazing how a different bra can change your relationship with your breasts. Another thing I highly recommend is reading body image blogs (Already Pretty is my favourite). They really helped me to be more accepting of my body and more aware of how I think and talk about it.
I'm thinking that cultures where women can be naked with other women, like Japan or Finland, probably has way less unrealistic expectation about the human body. So do countries where the the media isn't showing much skin. However girls growing up in places where (enhanced) nudity is ok on the screen but not in real life are screwed. Thought?
And what did the men say?
My favourite response from guys were "Most guys won't care. If they do - they are so shallow you are better off without them". "I wouldn't love you because of your boobs. I'd love you the way you are. If they don't see that they aren't the right person for you" And also: "Just accept yourself, and people will follow."And I'd like to add: if you are insecure about your breasts and are expecting that your guy takes your insecurity away -- that's never going to work. Even if a guy complements your boobs ten times a day, it will not make a dent in your insecurity. (You'll know how true this is if you have ever had someone close you with a low self-esteem). Only you can work through your issues.
Now, over to you: how has nudity among women (or lack of it) in your culture as well as the media's portrayal of boobs influenced your idea of "normal breasts"? Also, what would you tell a friend with hangups about her boobs?
