Pain is unavoidable. But Suffering is a choice.
We all have had pain in our past, and most of us hold on to that pain.
Why do we hold on to pain ?We can choose to let go of suffering, to end that painful relationship, to forgive ourselves. That would be logical, I mean, everyone wants to be happy and all that, right ? But we keep on holding to all that negative crap. Why ?
Here are some reasons that occurred to me:We hold on to pain...
* To get attention and sympathy from others (poor girl, your husband treats you so badly)
* The pain or problem is a part of who we think we are (I am the girl with the eating disorder) If we let it go we would feel lost !
* We have an excuse to do or not to do certain stuff (no wonder I have a drinking problem, after my partner left me life has never been the same)
* We think that remembering the pain that was caused by making that mistake will help us to remember that lesson (I was careless with my money, I lost it and then my parents shouted at me. Remembering my humiliation will help me to be careful with my stuff in the future). In fact the opposite is true: if something is associated with negative emotions, then our brain tries to avoid processing it. We remember better if we remove the negative thing attached to it.
* We are mentally lazy, it doesn´t occur to us that we can work on past pain; nobody ever told us about such things !
* Pride: we prefer to pretend that we didn´t go through pain, because we don´t want to appear weak. This is often truer for men, because of the social stereotypes of "boys don´t cry". (Of course I wasn´t afraid of that ! Of course it didn´t hurt !)
So, that´s all I can think of. What other reasons can you come up with ?
More on the topic:
Are You in Love with your Pain ?
The Sedona method's four ways of releasing.
Photo by charlotte miceli